My Job

I am working at a place where we answer phone calls for people who have mental health or substance abuse issues. First off I want to say that I truly love my job and I truly love helping people who are in need. I would say out of the people I deal with on a daily basis, half of them are not very nice. The following are conversations that I have had with people, or my co-workers have had with people. And people wonder why I have such a thick skin! The first conversation is one my friend Brooke had today:

Call 1
Brooke: Helpline, this is Brooke, how can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I need to talk with my Dr.
Brooke: Are you in crisis?
Caller: No
Brooke: Ok, well the office is currently in a staff meeting, you can either call back or I can take a message and fax it to them.
Caller decides to let her take a message and Brooke starts asking the questions on the form that we are REQUIRED to fill out. Woman gets upset at the questions (which are like what's your name, phone number, insurance....you know nothing personal!) and proceeds to say:
Caller: I guess you are too stupid to fax a message over.

Sweet, thanks lady! Brooke, I have seen you fax, and you do a great job at it!

Call 2
Sara: UP employee assistance, this is Sara, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, Stacey left me a message. What does she want?
Sara: I believe she was following up with you to make sure you are getting the assistance you needed.
Caller:Why?
Sara: We just like to make sure you are doing ok and getting the help you need.
Caller: Well I just am not sure why your calling me.
Sara: Well we don't need to call you, we just want to make sure you are ok and don't need anymore assistance.
Caller: Ok Bye.

Dude, you called us for help, trust us, the highlight of our day is not talking to you!

Call 3
Stacey: CP employee assistance, this is Stacey, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I tested positive for Cocaine at work and need to open a profile.
Stacey: Ok, when was your last use of Cocaine?
Caller: Never, I don't use Cocaine. I don't know why I tested positive. I may have touched some money that had Cocaine on it.
Stacey: Sir, we all touch money that has Cocaine on it at some point in life, but you CANNOT test positive that way.
Caller: Well I don't know, I never did it. I know people that do it, but I never touch the stuff.
Stacey: Ok sir, well it is impossible to test positive for something when you have not ingested it.
Caller: Well I am just saying, I didn't use it.

This type of call happens ALL of the time, no one EVER is using and they have NO IDEA how they tested positive. I usually see them at the treatment center within a week ;0)

My favorite excuse was that someone put Meth on this guys tire and he was changing it and it blew air in his face and that is how the Meth got in his system. That's where I keep my Meth! Good one!

Or the guy who said that someone held him up at gunpoint and made him snort Cocaine. Guess what dude, no one is wasting their Cocaine on you. It is expensive! Nice try!

Just so you know, ALL drug addicts lie, that's a fact!

Call 4
Stacey: Helpline, this is Stacey, can I help you?
Caller: I need to come in for treatment.
Stacey: Ok, well our next available appointment is today at 4pm.
Caller: Don't you have anything earlier? I really need help.
Stacey: I understand ma'am, there are a lot of people in similar situations and unfortunately that is the next time we have available.
Caller: What's the matter with you? Don't you know addicts do better in the morning?

Yes, I do. I also know they are more cranky because they are no longer high!

And last but not least, my favorite calls. I will censor this, but just imagine someone heavy breathing on the other end.

Stacey: Helpline, this is Stacey, how can I help you?
Caller: Hi Stacey, this is _____. How are you doing?
Stacey: I am fine sir, what can I help you with?
Caller: Well, I have a problem.
Stacey: Ok, what can I help you with?
Caller: Can I tell you a story?
Stacey: Sir, we are a crisis line, I can call someone out to your house to make sure you are ok but we are not a "chat" line. If you need to talk to someone, I suggest you find a therapist.
Caller: So you won't talk to me (heavy breathing still!)?
Stacey: No sir, and please do not call back. Click.

Don't you have someone to stalk on the internet?

This doesn't even break the surface about what I deal with on a daily basis. I will post more stories as they happen, some of them are REALLY funny. I guess the good half make up for the bad half!