Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Ducks again

Ok, I know I promised I was done with duck stories but I have to share this one because it amused/horrified me so much. The following took place at 4:45pm today. I step onto my back patio to read and enjoy being outside when 3 little girls peek their heads into my fence. The one is holding an egg and says "Look at this duck egg I found, do you know which of the ducks it belongs to?" I tell them that I don't, but that they should not be playing with the eggs that the ducks are laying. I tell her to go put it back where she found it and she runs off. I sit down on my chair when I hear the sister of the girl start yelling at her.

Apparently she broke the poor little baby duck egg and the sister is hysterical. She starts yelling that she killed a baby duck and now the mother is going to come and kill her! She states that her scent is all over the egg and because the other 2 girls are with her, the mother will kill them as well. Now keep in mind that these girls are probably around 5 or 6 years old. The girl then proceeds to tell her sister that a baby egg has to sit for 100 days before it hatches and because she has killed the baby it will never become a duck. Then she states "the office is right there and we are going to be in so much trouble, first the mother duck is going to kill us, then the office is going to yell at us!" She then starts on a rant about how she can't believe she killed a baby duck on Easter and how they were supposed to have a celebration when all the ducks hatched and that they will never be able to do that now because the mother duck is going to kill them. The sister is trying to defend herself by saying "it is no big deal, look, it wasn't even a baby yet!"

Part of me is cracking up inside, while my animal loving nature feels so bad that this baby duck is dead (although the ducks drive me crazy, I would never want them to be dead!). I mean this girl is something else! I love that she thinks the mother is going to actually KILL them! I decide to go check things out partly because there are no parents in site and partly because I don't want this girl to have a heart attack. I am also really worried that the duck egg actually looks like a dead baby at this point, and really don't want these girls traumatized by a dead baby. I go out to the other side of my fence and the girl comes running to me, pointing to the egg and telling me that her sister killed a baby duck. I look on the ground and thank goodness, the egg looks exactly like an egg, yolk and all, and give in to my motherly side. I tell the hysterical girl that the baby had not yet developed so it is actually not a baby yet, and that it was an accident and her sister is not a murderer (in so many words) and tell the sister that she needs to keep her mitts off the duck eggs so the babies have to time to hatch and then they will be able to enjoy them while they are young. I get them calmed down and they run off to play. I thought about taking a picture of the broken egg for you all, but decided the other tenants may think me strange if I do that. So there is my humor/horror for the afternoon!

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Shoes, Glorious Shoes!

I LOVE SHOES! I have always loved shoes! If I had money, I would have so many shoes, it would be ridiculous! Currently I own about 30 pairs of shoes, and that is only because I decided I needed to downsize before I moved and got rid of a bunch of them (I had close to 50 at that time). It was a very hard time in my life.

So yesterday I went with Celeste shopping because she is going on a cruise and needed some stuff. Our first stop was DSW and as I was walking through the door, I felt like I was walking through the pearly gates! Birds were singing, the sun was shining, and the smell was indescribable! If I was a millionairre, that would have been my closet! There were just aisles and aisles of all kinds of shoes! I could have stayed there and tried on shoes all day! We then went to Target and of course we hit the shoe section and saw these beaut's! Celeste decided these would be a great addition to the little black dress she has for "fancy night" on the cruise, and out of the kindness of her heart and the money from the Progressive guy, she bought a pair of them for me! Yeah, nice friend I have! These are hot!

My whole point of this blog is not only about how awesome shoes are, but also about the way a new pair of shoes make you feel. I don't know about everyone else, but you give me a new pair of shoes and I am on cloud nine! I seriously feel like a new person and depending on the type of shoe it is, I can become downright sassy! Take these shoes for instance, I wore them out to dinner last night and felt so great in them, that I left the waiter my number because I thought he was just so darn cute! I think he may have only been 17 though so I actually hope he doesn't call. So here's to you shoes! Even though you hurt me at times, I love you and can't imagine what life would be like without you! You bring so much joy and happiness to me, and for that I can never repay you!

Thursday, March 20, 2008

A Little About Me

I have nothing going on so I thought I would take Emily's idea and give it a try!

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32

What place would you like to visit? Africa

What are your favorite places to go? Mexico and my bed, of course!

What is your favorite object? I wasn't really sure on this one so I picked my coffee cup.

What is your favorite food? Pickles and Sushi!

Where do you live? Utah of course!

What is your middle name? Leanne. I have no picture for this because when I typed it in to find a picture, it just brought up a bunch of girls and I thought that might be weird.
What is your college Major? Social Work

Do you have any bad habits? Twirling my hair. I can't help it, it is an unconscious behavior.

What is your favorite animal? I love Bull Mastifs and hope to have one someday. This picture cracks me up!

What is your favorite color? Blue

What is the name of your pet? I don't have a pet unless you count the ants.

What is your favorite holiday? Halloween all the way!

So there you have it! Fascinating isn't it?

Thursday, March 13, 2008

My Job

I am working at a place where we answer phone calls for people who have mental health or substance abuse issues. First off I want to say that I truly love my job and I truly love helping people who are in need. I would say out of the people I deal with on a daily basis, half of them are not very nice. The following are conversations that I have had with people, or my co-workers have had with people. And people wonder why I have such a thick skin! The first conversation is one my friend Brooke had today:

Call 1
Brooke: Helpline, this is Brooke, how can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I need to talk with my Dr.
Brooke: Are you in crisis?
Caller: No
Brooke: Ok, well the office is currently in a staff meeting, you can either call back or I can take a message and fax it to them.
Caller decides to let her take a message and Brooke starts asking the questions on the form that we are REQUIRED to fill out. Woman gets upset at the questions (which are like what's your name, phone number, know nothing personal!) and proceeds to say:
Caller: I guess you are too stupid to fax a message over.

Sweet, thanks lady! Brooke, I have seen you fax, and you do a great job at it!

Call 2
Sara: UP employee assistance, this is Sara, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, Stacey left me a message. What does she want?
Sara: I believe she was following up with you to make sure you are getting the assistance you needed.
Sara: We just like to make sure you are doing ok and getting the help you need.
Caller: Well I just am not sure why your calling me.
Sara: Well we don't need to call you, we just want to make sure you are ok and don't need anymore assistance.
Caller: Ok Bye.

Dude, you called us for help, trust us, the highlight of our day is not talking to you!

Call 3
Stacey: CP employee assistance, this is Stacey, can I help you?
Caller: Yeah, I tested positive for Cocaine at work and need to open a profile.
Stacey: Ok, when was your last use of Cocaine?
Caller: Never, I don't use Cocaine. I don't know why I tested positive. I may have touched some money that had Cocaine on it.
Stacey: Sir, we all touch money that has Cocaine on it at some point in life, but you CANNOT test positive that way.
Caller: Well I don't know, I never did it. I know people that do it, but I never touch the stuff.
Stacey: Ok sir, well it is impossible to test positive for something when you have not ingested it.
Caller: Well I am just saying, I didn't use it.

This type of call happens ALL of the time, no one EVER is using and they have NO IDEA how they tested positive. I usually see them at the treatment center within a week ;0)

My favorite excuse was that someone put Meth on this guys tire and he was changing it and it blew air in his face and that is how the Meth got in his system. That's where I keep my Meth! Good one!

Or the guy who said that someone held him up at gunpoint and made him snort Cocaine. Guess what dude, no one is wasting their Cocaine on you. It is expensive! Nice try!

Just so you know, ALL drug addicts lie, that's a fact!

Call 4
Stacey: Helpline, this is Stacey, can I help you?
Caller: I need to come in for treatment.
Stacey: Ok, well our next available appointment is today at 4pm.
Caller: Don't you have anything earlier? I really need help.
Stacey: I understand ma'am, there are a lot of people in similar situations and unfortunately that is the next time we have available.
Caller: What's the matter with you? Don't you know addicts do better in the morning?

Yes, I do. I also know they are more cranky because they are no longer high!

And last but not least, my favorite calls. I will censor this, but just imagine someone heavy breathing on the other end.

Stacey: Helpline, this is Stacey, how can I help you?
Caller: Hi Stacey, this is _____. How are you doing?
Stacey: I am fine sir, what can I help you with?
Caller: Well, I have a problem.
Stacey: Ok, what can I help you with?
Caller: Can I tell you a story?
Stacey: Sir, we are a crisis line, I can call someone out to your house to make sure you are ok but we are not a "chat" line. If you need to talk to someone, I suggest you find a therapist.
Caller: So you won't talk to me (heavy breathing still!)?
Stacey: No sir, and please do not call back. Click.

Don't you have someone to stalk on the internet?

This doesn't even break the surface about what I deal with on a daily basis. I will post more stories as they happen, some of them are REALLY funny. I guess the good half make up for the bad half!

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Good stuff!

I have a weird sense of humor. A lot of the things I think are funny, other people don't. The following are the types of clothes that my children would be dressed in every day.......
Yet another reason for me not have them. Enjoy!

Not funny, but soooo cute!

Sunday, March 2, 2008

I will sue!

I realize I post about the ducks a lot and I will soon stop, but this one has to do with the geese. A few weeks ago I noticed the geese were acting a little strange. They were more vocal than usual (as if that is possible!) and they were spending a lot of time on the roofs and patio railings. I also noticed they were hissing at me a lot more when I walked by them. Now it may sound cute and funny, but geese can be vicious!

We got our monthly newsletter today from the apartment and in it they had a flyer that stated, and I quote " Mating season for the fowl is around the corner. If you see geese hanging around your patio/railing, please chase them away immediately. If they are allowed to stay there, they will "nest" and become QUITE FIERCE if approached." (This is EXACTLY what they look like!)

So today, Celeste and I were coming home from the coffee shop and were coming down our steps when a goose started coming towards us, fast! We both kind of stopped to see what it was going to do, and it just kept coming towards us, hissing like a feral cat. These things are crazy! I managed to get on the other side of it and it started coming for the backs of my legs, and of course I can't find my keys in my purse! I am telling it to beat it and stomping my foot towards it and it backed up enough for me to open my door and get safely in the house. Celeste is still stuck on the stairs and is scared to come down and I am yelling at her to make a run for it! She doesn't want to run for fear it will come at her so she slowly is moving towards the door and makes it in the house. We were laughing so hard at the absurdity of it!

My whole point to the story is that if I get attacked by a goose, I am suing this place! I realize I am much bigger than they are, but they are MEAN! The other problem is that they are protected under federal law which means I could get thrown in jail for hurting one! You can bet if one of those things starts pecking me with it's beak, I am gonna fight back! Hopefully I can get someone to bail me out of jail.